March 06, 2018
Rose
Hello! Today’s episode of the Run Eat Repeat podcast is serious and talking about sad stuff like death, divorce and doggos dying. I’m sharing some thoughts on the big losses I’ve experienced this year. I have a unique perspective on this because I’m always super grateful for my life – almost in this weird way. Anyway – let’s talk about it…
Within the past year I have had to deal with the loss of my marriage, my Grams – probably my closest family member to pass so far in my life and yesterday my dog. What the hell.
This is more loss in the past 10 months than I’ve experienced in my entire life up to this point.
It’s been super hard sometimes.
And other times I realize that I’m very very blessed.
First – the facts of some of the sad stuff from this past year:
Roxy went to doggie Heaven on Monday. Ugh. So sad.
I already had a trip planned for the next day to see Ben’s family. His dad is very sick and this is probably the last time I’ll see him.
I’m going through a divorce.
My Grams died in July and my aunt died last month.
So yeah – a lot of suck. Some of these things I’ve processed and come through -and others I’m working on getting over. It takes effort to get through really hard things no matter what the challenge is and here are some of the things that have helped me process death and divorce…
On Death and Grief…
Death – you might have heard about the stages of grief. They aren’t stages… they’re different types of waves. Sometimes the water is calm, sometimes there’s a storm
5 stages of grief – Kübler-Ross model (wikipedia)
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
This book – Option B by Sheryl Sandburg – “After the unexpected passing of her beloved husband, Facebook COO and bestselling author of Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg, feared that she and her children would never find joy again. Fortunately this fear was unfounded. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy–co-authored with psychologist and friend Adam Grant–shows you how Sandberg, and many others who have overcome a wide range of profound hardships, triumphed over tragedy.” (from Amazon)
Divorce and grief…
Divorce is like death. Dealing with it like a death of a relationship. There don’t seem to be a ton of blogs or podcasts or people sharing on social media bout divorce… which is interesting because supposedly 50% of people who get married end up in divorce.
Why aren’t we talking about it?
Are there more resources?
Recognize you go through the stages of grief like when someone dies. And again, they don’t necessarily go in order as you are going through it.
Divorce – 6 months of SUCK. Then you slowly forget you’re so sad. One day you realize you didn’t even think about that person all day. You wake up happy. You have a great day and think – YES! Here I am. I’m back!!
Perspective.
I’ve realized over the past year that I have a very unique perspective on my life. I’ve always have these views but hadn’t really been in a situation where these thoughts were challenged. So, I’ve thought about this a lot as I’ve processed the loss of my husband and then my Grams and Roxy-toxy (as my lil brother used to call her).
I always realize I’m very fortunate. Even on my worst day I have it better than a lot of other people in the world. Yeah, I have been super sad and cried a lot – but know in the back of my head that it could be 1000x worse. Ha! Is that sad or weird or what?
These are some of the things I think about a lot as I’m just going about my day…
I live in California within driving distance to my family
I love my family and I’m pretty sure they love me too (just give me a head’s up before you confirm this so I can be extra nice that day)
I have access to clean water and enough food (more than enough but I’m not complaining!)
I have a safe place to live and a car and clothes and a fancy phone…
I’m have a college degree.
I’m healthy and strong and loud and excited.
And other stuff depending on the day…
The point is I keep it in perspective.
Yes, there are super sad things that I’ve had to face this past year.
Yes, it’s fine if I cry or feel bad or lonely or wish for things to be easy and happy again.
I give myself grace to go through hard times and be emotional. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve spent a lot of money on therapy. I’ve talked and talked for hours to my friends about this stuff. It’s therapeutic to talk it out or cry it out or RUN it out! But I also have to be grateful and get back up after I get knocked down.
I know this sad time is part of the journey. I’m not going to pretend like it’s not happening. But I also don’t want to live here – it’s just a stop along the way.
And I’m sharing all of this because we all deal with loss in our lives and I want you to have a lil light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep going.
In this episode:
Podcast Questions …
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